Miscellaneous quotes and thoughts:
"Your goal, if you would like to live authentically and in alignment with your life purposes, is to make sufficient meaning and to have that meaning arise from and support your values." "Value-base meaning making"
"Obstacle one - turning a blind eye on value: it is easy to make a large investment in something that serves us..." - is ballroom something that only serves me? How does it fit in with my values? How does it serve anyone else?
What are my values:
personal growth/learning/curiosity
productivity/tangible results/coming to completion
solving problems - seeing the connection between ideas and developing an action plan
authentic connection
harmony
Question One:
What is the right mix of meaning opportunities for me? Which must appear? Which might appear only occasionally, which satisfy which VALUE?
My menu of meaning opportunities:
- move/walk/dance/tai chi - I'm not sure what value these satisfy, but I know they're important to me
- CURIOSITY/LEARNING: read/think/discuss/write
- AUTHENTIC CONNECTION: Interact in a helpful way, be kind, make eye contact, smile
- PRODUCTIVITY: Single-task (as opposed to multi-task) - pay attention, be in the moment
- AUTHENTIC CONNECTION: Share a gift with someone
- CURIOSITY/LEARNING: Learn something new
- AUTHENTIC CONNECTION: have a meaningful conversation/listen
- PERSONAL GROWTH: Practice a skill to improve
- TANGIBLE RESULTS/ COMING TO CLOSURE: dance, paint
- HARMONY: View nature - clouds, trees, water, be in nature
- Be in nature
- Look at art
- Listen to music
- Have physical contact with someone
- meditate/stare out window
- Tai Chi
Question Two:
How do I make this mix fit into my real life?
On the whole, I have a good mix of these meaning opportunities pretty much every day. The thing I find frustrating is when I don't have something meaningful to fill my "down" time at work. Working on these exercises and creativity coaching has done a really good job of filling that void for the past week!
While thinking about this assignment, I happened to get an email regarding the 16 personality types, which is something that always fascinates me. I'm an INFJ, and these are some characteristics of that personality type that describe me really well :
"INFJs would not take “just a job.” They prefer a cause, something they can believe in and into which they can channel their incredibly serious and earnest energy.
They often take charity roles or roles that require standing up for the downtrodden or oppressed.
Such roles satiate their need for meaning and provide a platform for their values. INFJs think deeply and intensely about their actions.
Everything needs to fit into their values ecosystem so that work, life, beliefs, and people are all connected to the whole.
Once they buy in, they are incredibly hard workers who will assume roles and responsibilities, even in areas others might avoid, as they are true crusaders for whom the cause can be everything.
INFJs will need an outlet for their imaginative and innovative side. Whatever it is the organization does—product or service—must be important to them so they can immerse themselves in it.
Energizers
• Ability to achieve closure on projects• People who communicate directly and honestly
• An organized and predictable work environment
• Clarity in role definition and limits of responsibilities
• Full autonomy
• A flexible schedule with control over work and results
Stressors
• Detail-focused work• Ignorant, irrational, or illogical people
• Too much extroverting
• A disorganized workspace
• Lack of follow-through from coworkers"
Exercise Three:
Put the plan into action for the rest of the week, and write about it.
This plan doesn't really vary from my usual schedule. This particular week will be different because I'll be traveling for most of it, but I'll be mindful of looking for "meaning opportunities".
Start when you get back.
ReplyDeleteGuess what? I am an INFJ too. How much of this sounds like you? What does not?
I restore myself with alone time but am able to be very social working with people. I have great 'vibe detectors, honed from past experience. Most people that know me, other than my closet friends and intimates, would be surprised to know that I am introverted because I am so often front and center in leadership roles and am pretty darn good at interacting with people. I have learned to speak up and argue for social causes and myself in order to realize what I think is important despite the fact that I am usually terrified of authority and I have had to work hard to learn to claim my voice despite potentially paralyzing fear. As an 'Idealist' label is embraced by me but I have learned to choose my battles carefully. Few know how much it costs me to speak up and make myself visible (an easier target). With much experience I have become more comfortable with interacting, leading, and being visible, sometimes even the center of attention, and I have found ways to enjoy it.
However after I need to run for cover and re-cover in private. It has become easier for me to be visible over the years but I know once I stop doing it so regularly I will likely revert. I like people (most of the time), especially creative people, and usually find it relatively easy to understand/ intuit what motivates them, and understand what may be challenging for them. If I do not understand someone I acknowledge it and watch for clues that can guide me, because not knowing feels dangerous.
Any resonance?
Yikes - that explains so much about why I feel so comfortable around you. Did you know that some really low number (like 1%) of the population are INFJ's? Which also explains why I frequently feel like I don't quite "fit" with the people around me. Pretty much everything you wrote resonates with me. I'm usually only social in either very small groups (like one or two) or people that I already know and like. When I'm in a large group of people I don't know (and especially if there are extroverts vying for attention), I frequently feel like a piece of wallpaper. I avoid confrontation like the plague, and very rarely buck authority, even when I violently disagree with authority.
ReplyDeleteI think that ballroom dance has been one of the tools that has helped me get more comfortable with being visible, and (like you), I now enjoy being visible - in small doses! Competitions used to scare the bejeesus out of me - I would be incredibly anxious for weeks ahead and my face would tremble while I competed. Now, I have an adrenalin rush as I'm stepping onto the floor, but no terror which is a great improvement.
But, like you, the way I recharge is by spending time alone. I'm also very intuitive, sometimes to my detriment, because other people's emotions can really get under my skin.
Of course. I have a whole series of 'Wallflower' paintings of women wearing masks with no mouths blending into wallpaper. But in the series, each one steps out a little further, and the masks start to crack. And each one has an art tool that is a substitute voice. Looking forward to talking at 3:30.
ReplyDelete